Hues of Anguish
by LotusWorks
Summary: Journals of Ohtori students
1. Default Chapter

Hues of Anguish *the characters do not belong to me but this storyplot does =^.^= the storyplot and the girl Zilya Comarane. 

  
Introduction   
  
  
  
Project for the Semester:   
  
Dear Students, In order to raise the score for our Language Arts/ Creative Writing block, all Ohtori Academy students of all grades are required to maintain a journal. The journal will be completed at the end of the semester before summer break and turned in to your English teachers.   
  
Journals must include:   
  
5 works of poetry of any type   
2 of 3 essays of any subject of choice   
3rd essay topic must be " The person who has influenced me the most…"   
minimum requirement: 100 pages   
  
I expect the best from the best.   
  
Sincerely,   
  
Zilya Comarane   
Head of the English Department 


	2. Candy Quivers

Candy Quivers *no one 'cept Zilya, kay? =^.^=

  
This is the diary of the most beautiful and most fashionable Nanami-sama! This is a most loathsome assignment, but at least I can talk about important items of interest…like onii-sama and myself. We are, perhaps, the most perfect people on the face of Ohtori- my brother being every girl's dream guy and I, being what every girl wants to be. Hah- this isn't so hard, I think I'm getting the hang of this diary thing. I will update on my daily schedule and keep you posted on my parties-it's not as easy as you think to be this glamorous.   
Ja mata,   
Kiryuu Nanami

  
~*~

  
Dear Journal,   
I saw her walking to class today-the new teacher, Comrane-sensei. She looks Hawaiian, and has beautiful amber curls and honey brown eyes. It's funny how she thinks she will change anything at Ohtori- I mean, if she wants a transition, she will have to penetrate the Student Council. Each member has an undeniable leash on all students whether they are willing to admit it or not. Hn, come to think of it, everyone except that Nanami-ugh, she is horrible, but I have to endure her if I want to see Touga… He is the ONLY reason I put up with Nanami, the ONLY reason. I know that sounds harsh, but if you met the wench, you'd understand how I feel… if you met Touga, you'd understand the way I feel…   
Aishiteru Kiryuu Touga,   
Keiko

  
~*~

  
Journal of the Deprived   
I love you,   
your gentle soul,   
your beautiful voice-   
the song you sing,   
the song of the siren remains   
forever in this heart   
straight from your lips…   
- the flower junkie


	3. Caramel Lovin'

Caramel Lovin'   
  
*no one 'cept Zilya, kay? =^.^=   
  
Dear Diary,   
My name is Takatsuki Shiori and I am an eleventh grader, class B. There are few I call friends and only one enemy. The strange thing is, she is my worst enemy and best friend... The thing is that she is everything everyone wants to be-  
- she's strong  
- she's pretty  
- she can stare down anyone and make anything happen if she so desires...  
I know the way she feels about me, the way she desires to help me... how can I say this?   
... I know that all she wants is to be near me... I can't help what I do, the way I treat her- it's like the words slip out of my mouth before I've had the chance to think about what poison does escape from my lips ...  
Ahhh, this is confusing...   
Yours Truly,   
Takatsuki Shiori  
  
~*~   
  
Hai,  
Today is a good day, is it not? I met Comarane-sensei for the first time and she is not only the youngest professor in the history of Ohtori, but the most brilliant that I have had the pleasure of meeting. Comarane-sensei retains the most enlightening ideals that, while not in sync with my own personal beliefs, they are most refreshing and the most logical that I have come across in a long, long time. For the first time, I lost track of time... Kozue was not pleased- she really needs to handle herself more respectfully. What would Miss Comarane say to hear such foul language coming from my sister?   
  
Kaoru Miki  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 8:  
  
Argh! I have a dirty mind! My soul feels polluted having come in contact with that new teacher...Zilya, is it? I haven't felt the way I feel now since Anthy... Oh, Anthy, how I pine for your gentle touch and tender smile ... I thought about Miss Zilya and how nice it would be to take a ride with her, to grab her and simply do anything I pleased... Crap- you see what I mean?!? If I am in love with Anthy, shouldn't I only think about her in that manner? Ohhh, this isn't helping me at all, the next thing you know, I'll become like Touga, a walking sex organ... I wonder if he has tried to seduce Miss Zilya yet? I hope not, she deserves more becoming another notch on an extremely long list of women to conquer... It would to see someone else to turn Touga down besides Tenjou.   
Or maybe, I can get to her first... 'til then, I gotta jet- I am in extreme need of an extremely cold shower.   
  
Kyouchi  
  
~*~  
  
And here you are again, in the clutches of the wonderful Nanami-sama! Only three days until my ball- oh yeah, soo excited! I will bring you the news of the fashion Dos and the Don'ts. I promise I, of course, will be the belle of the ball with onii-sama at my side. *sighs* Gotta take care of details so-   
CyA lAtErZ!   
Kiryuu Nanami  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
Pink rose petals,   
the most exquisite thorns-   
it's difficult not to love you   
and yet, hate you so wholly.   
I left my heart on your doorstep   
and you crushed it with your heel,   
Then smoothed the tears with a kiss...   
It's difficult not to love you   
and yet, hate you so wholly.  
  
-the flower junkie


	4. Zinger Cravings

*no one 'cept Zilya =^.^= ooh yeah...  
  
Zinger Cravings  
  
The person who has influenced me the most would have to be Takatsuki Shiori because she has endured life with me during my times of strife...   
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
**Anthy's Journal**   
  
The seal of the rose  
  
Opens to that noble touch  
  
To that caring soul  
  
~*~  
  
To No One In Particular,  
  
Constantly, I search within myself for the strength to resist all temptations. Life at Ohtori has been a continuous battle for my beliefs, always arguing with some teacher or becoming the object of ridicule at any and every angle. I hear that little voice residing in the infinite murky depths of my conscience that whispers ever so softly that failure is okay...  
  
When I am ready to give in at the end of the day, ready to conform to the whims of everyone else, I look to the sleeping face of Himemiya on the other bed. I surge with anger at the injustices that simmer with each breath she breathes and resolve once more to remain a noble prince...  
  
And I know she is safe with me...  
  
And I know that all this isn't for naught...  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tenjou Utena  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
I want to share that one special kiss with her, the one that means everything to her, everything to me. I want to be more than the memory that sears the edge of her lips... I want to be the first person she sees when she awakes, my face burned into her sight and thoughts.   
  
I hope that one day, when she finally holds my hand- we remain linked on the road to eternity...  
  
- the flower junkie


	5. Cotton Candy Cherubs

*no one 'cept Zilya =^.^= yup yup, what what...  
  
Cotton Candy Cherubs  
  
Entry 23:  
  
Argh, the most embarrassing thing happened to me today! I finally pushed myself to speak to Zilya. This is how it went:   
  
I walked up to her desk and stood there until she acknowledged my presence. Feeling cool and suave, I smiled as she looked up at me. "Hello Saionji, can I help you?"   
  
"I was wondering if I... if I," at this point my voice squeaked horribly and I blushed, which is quite rare... When it happens, it covers my entire face and neck. Damn puberty! Ack!  
  
"I bet you're not here for tutoring," she said smiling. " You have one of the top scores in language arts..."  
  
I searched for some excuse that would suffice for my mishap and blurted out suddenly, "I need help on my creative writing! I'm having trouble with poetry!"  
  
"Ahh, okay, well-how about tomorrow during lunch? Is that fine?"   
  
I nodded quickly and she smiled again. "Okay, see you then, Saionji."   
  
Ugh- can you say **loser**? Geesh, I gotta go, I'm going to practice being 'cool'.  
  
Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
ToMoRrOw Is ThE DaY!!!! I am practically buzzing, planning parties gives me some kind of ultimate high! Tsuwabuki might come too, I want to show him what being 'grown up' is all about. I am going to wear a new designer dress from Vena Cahva, it's black with silver lace... it's absolutely wonderful! Now, I know that I usually don't extend invitations to teachers, but Keiko says not inviting Comarane-sensei would be an ultimate sin- so inviting Miss Comarane is a must. Ahh- I've been practically garrulous today and there is so much work that must be done!   
  
CyA LaTeRs!  
  
Kiryuu Nanami  
  
~*~  
  
**Anthy's Journal**  
  
Her curls unfurling  
  
Black roses with crimson stains  
  
Maybe I'm dreaming.  
  
~*~  
  


~Kozue~  
  


Beauty and insanity are related, believe it or not. I have been told that I am insane. I have been told I am beautiful. I don't really care what others tell me, to tell the truth. I have one and only one purpose her at Ohtori.  
  
Keep the whorish hands of others off of Micky.  
  
That is my one concern. That is my one goal. Whether he believes it or not, it is for his own good. Why, the readers ask. Why indeed...   
  
It is because beauty and insanity are related.  
  
~*~  
  
The person who influenced me the most would be Takatsuki Shiori because she was the only one who extended frienship to me when I was a new student at Ohtori Academy. It was her friendship that helped me become who I am...  
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Can you royal pain in the butt? Arrrrrrggggghhhhhh!!! NANAMI IS ANNOYING!!! I think I've pulled out most of my hair trying not to pull out hers. I am really tired right now and my bed is calling my name.  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Keiko  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
She is purposely avoiding me-but that won't last long! This is almost like that cartoon skunk Peppy Le Pew chasing after his love. He always wins, one way or another. Thinking about that always brings a smile to my face.   
  
- the flower junkie  
A\N: Isn't it always better to guess who the flower junkie is? =^.^= 


	6. Marmalade Toast

*no one 'cept Zilya =^.^= yeh yeah!  
  
Marmalade Toast  
  
The person who influenced me the most would be Takatsuki Shiori because it was she that told me to believe in miracles when I was down. "Believe in miracles," she told me. "they will know your true feelings..." Perhaps that may be true, but why haven't they discovered my feelings? When does this charade end?  
  
-Juri  
  
~*~  
  
Anthy's Journal  
  
Blonde, blue-eyed devil,  
Why do you speak hurtful things-  
Troublesome insect?  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 32:  
  
I have never seen Zilya look so beautiful until tonight... I mean she is pretty, but it was almost like 'hey, worship me' kind of beauty... if that makes sense... I asked her if I could serve as her escort to the ball tonight and she agreed. She wore a stunningly simple, coral dress and conch shell earrings. I think that she was the prettiest girl there. There was some commotion with Nanami being ruthless as usual, but I ignored it, I didn't really care what she was up to... until Zilya simply told Nanami to get lost. I had expected to see Tenjou to fly out of the middle of nowhere, but it was Zilya who stopped her from hurting Anthy... I felt a surge of pride take me there, wishing it was I who stopped the dreadful Nanami and impressed Zilya, but she impressed me. Strange logic, but I wished could call Zilya mine, like Anthy was once mine.   
  
I walked Zilya through the cobblestone streets- the streetlights cast an ethereal glow on her. "I had a nice time Saionji," she said. "See you in class tomorrow."  
  
"Please, call me Kyouchi," I replied, thanking my voice at the very moment for not breaking up. She nodded and curtsied me- imagine that, being curtsied... I kissed her hand and walked home alone. This has got to be the best day I've ever had.  
  
I've wrote something for her:  
  
While the fingers of dawn brush against your cheek,  
I think that one day it may be my hand-  
Stretching far across the blue skies,  
Across the horizon, across the land  
  
^-^ Ahh, I still suck at poetry, but this has been the best I've come up with so far.   
  
Back to the drawing board,   
  
Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
Hai,  
I am feeling strange today, not at all myself. When I didn't show up for fencing practice to watch Juri-sempai, she stopped by to see if I was fine... I was, sorta, I think. Sempai is the only person Kozue will not mess with, so she got in easily. Later, Miss Zilya called to see if I was okay... she said she missed my musings for the day. I am glad she noticed my absense. I look at my watch and realize that I have not used my stopwatch lately. I feel like I'm losing touch with reality itself. It's sad really, that I feel this way...  
That I feel nothing... I want something, but I don't know what... I wish I were a little bit older...  
  
Kaoru Miki  
  
~*~  
  
To No One In Particular,  
  
I wish that Nanami would quit her childish ways, that and that Touga would stop following me around. As soon as Himemiya and I enter, we are separated from the get-go and I am ushered into a remote corner of the room with Touga while Nanami's henchwomen lead Himemiya to the other side of the house. I can't protect her if she's out of sight, so I slink around Touga to get a clear view of her. The henchwomen abandon her at the refreshment table. I see the new teacher enter with Saionji at her arm and he's looking affectionately at her... Strange, he supposedly liked Himemiya, but never looked at her the way he is at the new sensei. She is pretty... I am glad she begans talking to Himemiya; she is no longer alone and I am at ease for the moment.  
  
I entertain myself with the tiny bit of Sprite left in my glass, Touga is watching Saionji intently, asking me a few questions about the new sensei. I'm not made for these kinds of places, I hope that I can find some excuse, any excuse, and then leave with Himemiya. I then hear Nanami's high-pitched voice.  
  
"You witch, you think you are better than me? Hah, you weirdo, you are some kind of alien- some kind of leech who is only allowed because you are Akio-san's baby sister-" At that point I ran beside Touga and looked down to the scene. I was scared... She raised her hand to slap her and I thought I am too late, I can't get there in time, when all of a sudden, sensei stands in front of Himemiya and seizes the incoming hand.  
  
"If you know what's good for you, you'll leave her alone." That was it, simply put. Nanami glared at her and was about to say something when Saionji advised against it. I walked down jumped down from the balcony and thanked sensei before leading Himemiy home. She cried silently and I hugged her fiercely. We were going home and it was going to be alright. She was going to be alright.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tenjou Utena  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
Who was that with Saionji, the new sensei? Is that who he has been scribbling poetry about when he should have been out riding? Not that I would blame him, but she is older than him, he practically has no chance... It takes a long legged, older man to show her what she needs...  
  
- the flower junkie  
  
A\N: lol, not saying who the flower junkie is =^.^= 


	7. Bitter Tarts

*no one 'cept Zilya =^.^= chicken head says what!   
  
Bitter Tarts   
  
  
Dear Journal,   
  
Nanami has been acting strange lately, mostly on the edge of her sanity nowadays. She can't get enough of Comarane-san now, like she's dedicated her life in following Comarane-san about in pure admiration or something. I suppose I should comfort Nanami and tell her everything will be alright, but I can't get myself to. I know I usually lead the BFFLT(Best Friends For Life Triangle), but I just can't do it... Maybe Yuuko or Aiko will do it for me. I feel sorry for Nanami being embarrassed like that at her own party, but what is the nice version of saying 'she deserved it'? There isn't one... I've noticed that Saionji has been paying Comarane-san an awful lot of attention. I remarked that to Nanami and she got this evil smirk on her face then left... I wonder what Nanami's up to...   
  
Yours Truly,   
  
Keiko   
  
~*~   
  
**Anthy's Journal**   
  
Your tough shell's hiding   
  
the frail nature of your heart,   
  
hurt me- hurts you too...   
  
~*~   
  


~Kozue~

  
  
I am extremely worried about Micky...He's not been himself lately and nothing I do affects him anymore. He doesn't play our song anymore or look in the direction of his precious stopwatch. He doesn't even care when I ridicule Juri and Anthy.   
  
I don't know what to do and I don't want anyone else to touch him, but my conscience says to me that if I care for Micky as much as I claim to, I will ask the sensei to find out for me.   
  
I feel like half of me is dying and there's nothing I can do that will change that...   
  
~*~   
  
Dear Diary,   
  
I hate the way she looks at me, her very existence sickens me, rots the very core of my soul. She thinks she is so righteous and high to look at me and deem me pitiful! To think I am going to confide to her how I felt about Ruka..! She is so fake and I am the only one who seems to be able to see through that façade. Of course, when everybody loves you, it's easy to look down on others, right? It's just the same when we first met... She thinks she can forgive me for what I HAVE done, that I AM TO BE FORGIVEN BY THE LIKES OF HER! No way in hell will I let her think she can rule me in anyway. SHE SHOULD BE BEGGING MY FORGIVENESS- she STOLE everything from me, everything! And now, I'm left to salvage the crumbs from a crazy "Worship Juri" society.   
  
Takatsuki Shiori   
  
~*~   
  
Entry 35:   
  
I had a dream about Zilya again- that we were swimming and all of a sudden she starts waving her arms and screaming for help. I swim to her as fast as I can and she says that there is something pulling on her ankle. I dive under to see if I can release her and I see... I see a person holding onto her, pulling her deeper and deeper...   
  
I see Nanami...   
  
-Saionji   
  
~*~   
  
Journal of the Deprived   
  
I visited Miss Comarane and introduced myself. First urge I get is to kiss her, so I did. I reached over and pressed my lips to hers. She doesn't respond and I take that as a good sign, so I slowly release her from our vivacious liplock. She stares at me stunned then backhands me roughly. She's pretty when she's angry. I bet she would be a good submissive... Hah, it's funny, isn't it? I am already thinking of taking her while my cheek is throbbing with her reminder that it is not okay to surprise her with an unwanted kiss...   
  
I wish that surrendering to an impulse wasn't so easy with me.   
  
- the flower junkie 


	8. Tickling Chicken

*no one 'cept Zilya. =^.^- uh huh!   
  
Tickling Chicken   
  
Yes, let's all feel sorry for the little alien. Watch her cry with those fake tears and hide under Utena's wing... the little fool thinks she can get away with how she humiliated me?!? I don't think so. She just happened to be lucky that Miss Comarane is a teacher, otherwise I would have tore her apart... Every guy at Ohtori seems to be under a spell the little alien created, even onii-sama wants her... Why- is it not plain to see that I will always be more beautiful and more loving than that ugly creature?!?  
  
_Stupid Anshii_...  
Your luck is officially about to run out and I will take your place in the hearts and minds of others.   
  
Where I belong...   
  
CyA lAtErS!  
  
Kiryuu Nanami  
  
~*~  
  
What cruel fate is this? Why must she hate me in the way she does? Why must my heart tear itself apart to beg any word of encouragement from her mouth? I was trying so hard to figure out what I am trying to do, trying to say, and then all contemplations, all thoughts rested on Ruka.   
  
"It's been a while Ruka," I scratched on the hard backing of my journal. "It's been a while since I could think about you... and not cry. I worry about your well-being, worry about whether you have enough worthy adversaries, or enough girlfriends... Hn, you made me laugh when I cried, made me desire when I wanted to give up, made me believe when I denied... made me love you when I hated so passionately... You made me a believer. I can still see you, taunting me so arrogantly, yelling horrible truths that I knew were true at heart, but could not admit.  
  
Ruka, whatever you had wished for- I hope you found it before you left me.  
  
I can still remember your kiss..."  
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
**Anthy's Journal**  
  
Wandering lonely  
  
what you need is in his eyes,  
  
he is suffering...  
  
~*~  
  
Hai,   
  
I sat outside of Juri-sempai's room. I don't know for how long, but long enough because sempai opened the door and exclaimed, " Miki! What are you doing here? Are you okay?" I think I am... sorta... She brought me inside and laid me on the couch, bringing me something to drink and a pillow and blanket. I never noticed how smooth her skin is- or how pleasant she smells, like oranges, a citrus aroma. She pats my cheek and tells me to rest. I spent the night on her couch- the last thing I see is sempai's face...  
  
Juri... what a pretty name...  
  
Kaoru Miki  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 40:  
  
"Stuff your eyes full of wonder... See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid in factories."  
  
- Granger  
Fahrenheit 451   
  
Came from a book Zilya lent me, I didn't want to disappoint her, so I spent all of yesterday thumbing through the pages, reading here and there and saw this quote... quite interesting... I sat at the edge of the cliff today, trying to sort out my thoughts about everything. Zilya came and suprised me and I nearly fell off! Whoa, that was exhilarating, but I am never going to try that again, not that I had a choice the first time, but it was cool. For the first time, we actually just acted like people, no student\teacher associations or silly lovers( though I wouldn't complain if she wanted that ^_^ ), we were just two people in a world bigger than ourselves... I reached for her hand and she squeezed mine and smiled.  
  
"'I'm seventeen and I'm crazy'," I said in a girlish voice. We busted out laughing.  
  
"Whatever you say, Clarisse McClellan..."   
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
I lie awake at nights and think of you,  
that it's your face I'm waking up to-   
  
I hold you close to me, trying not to hurt you,  
A gentle caress, or a love too brutal, too cruel..?   
  
You know the answer, but you refuse to say, to tell-   
Don't worry, it's my specialty, soon, you'll desire me as well...  
  
I'm coming to get you...  
  
- the flower junkie  
  
A\N: What if the flower junkie is not Akio? Any ideas on another suitor for the title? Lol, I like suspense.


	9. Ten Tiny Truffles

*no one 'cept Zilya. =^.^= *smiles lots!   
  
Ten Tiny Truffles  
  
**Anthy's Journal**   
  
_ Blue, blue eyes  
  
and the blue blue skies that trail  
  
after the hopeless cause-  
  
she trails after another too..._  
  
Perhaps, I should write a bit more than my usual haiku. Utena-sama seems to be tangled in her own thoughts, now of late. I wish she would just let go of the past and rest a bit. Being a prince has its price.  
  
Being a rose bride has its consequences.  
  
~*~  
  
Miki- what is wrong with him? I woke to his face above mine and he kissed me. Now, don't get me wrong, Miki is a fine and upright boy... but he's a **boy** and a very naive one at that.  
  
I panicked and knocked him backwards onto my lap. He looked innocently up at me and for that brief moment, he could have been mistaken for Ruka. He fainted once more, his cheeks flushed with a rather pleasant blush... Miki is resting peacefully beside me as I write- I wonder, should I be apprehensive towards him? Maybe, it is his sickness that causes him to react this way..? But why, of all things, must he touch me in such a manner..?   
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 46:  
  
Who kissed who? I remember is crushing her to me after my lips touched hers. For so long, I wanted to touch her. So, I did. I pinned her to the floor and roughly held her arms above her head. She cried out in suprise, but shockingly, didn't yell at me or struggle against me. Zilya lay back and let me take control of her...I waited for this- this complete domination and trust over someone. Someone who was willing to surrender her entire self to me... oh, for so, so long...   
  
So long...  
  
I broke away from her and hugged her tightly. "I want to do this the right way-" I sought her understanding with my fingers and she kissed the tips, nodding her head.   
  
Just then, I heard laughter then a familiar voice murmur, "Or would you rather we show you the proper way to pleasure a woman?" I looked up to the faces of the dear President and the Chairman of Ohtori. Their frightening smiles scared me as they gave me an offer I couldn't refuse... not if I wanted Zilya's best interests.   
  
Damn barriers and man whores! Damn age differences! Damn me! It seems I am most cursed!   
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Journal,  
  
Something's wrong, I can feel it! Everyone is changing- or is it just me? I am worried, Miki is apathetic to almost everything, Kozue has transformed into some kind of worry-wart mother type, and that's not even the half of it! Oh dear, it's as if some kind of strange revolution is taking place among Ohtori Academy...  
  
Yours Truly,   
  
Keiko  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
My lips are swollen from kissing her again. She sure socked it to me good this time. I like that though- it'll make it all the better when she will surrender herself to me. Seeing arousal in her eyes was almost too much. I almost couldn't contain myself. Of course, she makes all these hollow threats, but I know she won't deny me, she can't- she's a girl after all... and all girls, in the end, are like the Rose Bride.  
  
- the flower junkie  
  



	10. Jellied Fantasies

*no one 'cept Zilya =^.^=  
  
Jellied Fantasies  
  
It has worked so far according to plan- I knew one of these days that Saionji would act improper with Miss Comarane… in fact, it was only a matter of time until hormones took over… how fortunate was it that today was the day I decided to tip off onii-sama and Akio-san about their 'date'. I don't know what they plan on doing, but whatever it is- I know it won't be bad enough. I have to plan something that will have her begging for mercy, that will teach her a thing or two with messing with me, Nanami.   
  
I want her to suffer… it would be funny to see both her and the little alien suffer at once, ne?  
  
Cya LaTeRs!  
  
Kiryuu Nanami  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Journal,   
  
I talked to Kozue today, she seemed a bit mellow than before, but she hasn't graduated from the worry-wart mother stage. She talked softly and had a delicate manner to her that I have never seen before. A group of guys stopped in front of us and asked Kozue if she still planned on partying with them and she looked up to them innocently and shook her head.   
  
"It wouldn't be proper to do such a thing. Besides, what would Micky think, boys?"  
  
If I didn't know any better, I'd say that she has become exactly like Miki.  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Keiko  
  
~*~  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
How nice it must be to go through boys like they were nothing, like they were toilet paper, and not be hated for it. While I'm called a slut, Juri is treated like the virgin queen, revered by all, girls and guys alike. I saw her and Miki together today. I know they are always together, but this was something more than just the simple jesture of good friends and Miki gave her something more than just a friendly peck on the cheek. If Juri is amused now with her new boy toy, it will make the feeling I'll get all the more satisfying when I take him away and make him mine. When I see the look on her face, that hidden expression of suffering, I know she'll desire to please me once more.  
  
Takatsuki Shiori  
  
~*~   
  
**Anthy's Journal**  
  
In all their faces I see  
The shadows of light   
Across the churning sea-  
  
Pain reflected upon liquid glass  
Hues of Anguish for   
Times since long gone past…  
  
~*~  
  
Hmm, what is this- the second or third time I've written in here? Well, Akio and I have cornered dear old Saionji with Zilya. I applaud his efforts to forget about Himemiya Anthy and the fact that it was with Comarane- sensei… but the fact of the matter is that she is supposedly off-limits, a teacher and student should not have indecent relations and… blah blah blah, ask me if I believe in that, look at Akio and then ask me again if I believe in that… Hn, it's almost hypocrisy to say such things, but Saionji doesn't know that and neither does Comarane. I let Akio deal with Saionji as I lead Comarane out of the room. In the hallway, I pushed her against the wall and embraced her, barely rubbing myself against her breasts and stomach. " What you need is someone who will give it to you good," I said solemnly, though I was joking. She looked up to me with beautiful amber eyes and replied,   
  
" What you need is a swift kick in the ass."  
  
"You need to watch your mouth if you want Saionji to stay on campus like a **good** little boy…"   
  
"Why are you doing this to him… I am responsible, I made advances towards him even though he refused me- "   
  
I laughed. How sweet, she claims she dominated him… right- I know Saionji. I know his need to be in control… plus, I saw him practically throw her to the ground and straddle her. I know what he was about to do- it doesn't take a genius to figure that out. " Zilya, your intentions are sweet, but your lips pour out nothing but honeyed lies." She opened her mouth to protest and I kissed those lips, keeping them closed. She struggled against me, her body straining against mine and I thrust into her lower abdomen, again pinning her to the wall. She wrenched her wrist free and socked me in the jaw. I glowered and grabbed her again… Not the first time I've been hit by a woman, but damn, that hurt like hell! I wrapped one arm around her arms, fastening them to her sides while I pulled her braid back quickly, her head snapping back as her throat was bared to me. I growled as I lowered my lips to her neck. " You will obey me and only me…"  
  
- T.K.   
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
"And you don't seem to understand-  
A shame, you seemed an honest man,   
And all the fears you hold so dear  
Will turn to whisper in your ear…  
And you know what they say might hurt you,   
And you know that it means so much,   
And you don't even feel a thing…"  
  
I watched that anime **Serial Experiments Lain**, I heard the theme song, then curled myself into a ball. All the pain subsides within me from the brutal marks that raped my skin; they are the ugly reminders of my love for you. My love, my heart breaks when I see your eyes shining with tears for me. I would not give them the satisfaction of letting them see my tears, the hot wetness of anger that spills down my face now. I will do anything to protect you… if it means turning my skin from a tender marshmellow into steel-plated armor, consider it done; if it means releasing my anger from the cage I had confined it to, consider it done; if it means a duel to the death… consider it done.  
  
- the flower junkie  
  
A\N:So, whaddya think about this? Leave me reviews people! =^.^= 


	11. Jarred Enigma

*no one 'cept Zilya Comarane. =^.^= hello, hello, hello!  
  
Jarred Enigma  
  
Entry 48:  
  
The Bible, I stare at the mahogany leather covers and wish I never met Zilya in the first place... if I hadn't, she wouldn't be in this mess now. I must comply with all of Akio's twisted little deeds if I want guarantee of his lips shut. I must save Zilya.  
  
Oh God, please give me the strength to rise from this... please save Zilya from the clutches of the Morning Star and the red-haired devil that holds her captive...   
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
She lies by my side now, her hiccups subsiding. I have done nothing to her, yet she cries rivers on my pillows. I stroke her back in comfort and she goes still at my touch. "Get your filthy hands off of me! Where is Kyouichi? Where is he?" She stares at me with those shining eyes, glittering with tears and I so desperately want to take back all the anger I said to her. Oh, those tears taste delicious as I attempt to kiss them away. She snatches back angrily and growls, "I don't want your comfort, I want out of this room! The last thing I need is to be someone's love slave-" How amusing, she thinks that is what I want? Hah, that couldn't be more farther from the truth. I climb over to her and seize her arms, pushing her into the softness of the bed. It is not overwhelming lust that usually drives me this time, but the promise of something more digging into her curves and smelling sweetness... I run fingers over her and hug her to my own body. There is this surging feeling coming from deep within me and I hug her to me as close as possible. I want nothing but her to love me... like the way I saw her love Saionji...  
  
Why is it that though he is the most brutal of us, that he has found what I have searched for? The night of the ball, the way she looked to him lovingly, the way she surrendered herself without a second thought for her own well-being? I can protect her as well. I can please her. I can love her. She heaves under me, this time silent tears are progressing down her face and she's trying to hide them from me. I kiss her tears again, running the tip of my tongue to trace each lovely drop.   
  
I can be Saionji. I can be Akio. I can be myself... you choose...I just want what Saionji has... that must be a first...  
  
- T.K.  
  
~*~  
  
Oh, to all that doesn't make sense, life, liberty, love- can you confess to miracles? Can you confess to loving those who would love nothing but to kill you, then steal the clothes off your very back? Miki, there is something wrong with the way you are carrying yourself, why are you playing with my feelings like this? I never known you to say such horrible things, then try to seduce me. You are young and naive, but you are acting with such strange malice and desire that is not yours... at least, I think it is not. I have found you asleep at me side more than once, curled against my back, with fingers digging into the flesh of my hips and breasts... and moaning ever so lightly, pushing into my backside... I-I want to help you, but I don't want this... I want Shiori- the locket is proof of that... isn't it?   
  
If it is, then why didn't I cry out and make you leave..? Why didn't I push you away? Why did I settle in your arms when you were done..?   
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
**Anthy's Journal**  
It's burning, this yearning-  
tearing my insides,  
spilling them out.  
  
Just screaming from dreaming,  
Is it the angel that knocks  
and the devil who answers..?  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
Pound, pound, anxious from all the wait. What can I say really? I am anxious..!  
I have carefully boiled everyone's temperament. I am anxious...  
  
- the flower junkie  
  
A\N: *holds breath* you like? lol, read and review please!


	12. Pickled Jam

* no one 'cept Zilya Comarane. =^.^= ooohh, baybeh baybeh!  
  
Pickled Jam  
  
To No One In Particular,  
  
What is it that draws my attention to Touga and Akio-san? There is something going on here, something lying beneath the surface of their smiles that is not telling all... Perhaps, Saionji knows, but then again, it seems as if someone has knocked the fire out of him. It's very unlike Saionji to not glare at me when I call his name. He just stared at me with such sad longing that I felt sorry I had even bothered him in the first place. Perhaps, it has something to do with Comarane-sensei calling in ill this past week.  
  
It is my duty as a prince to protect...what if I fail my duty, will I have the same sad longing chiseled into my features? Will my fears become the best of me? Who knows, I must remain strong throughout this ordeal and figure out what is happening to everyone.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Tenjou Utena  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 49:  
  
I miss her.  
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  


~Kozue~

  
  
Now, a watched pot does not boil, or at least, that is what they want you to believe. They also said you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but they were also wrong. I have watched this pot from the first simmer and so far, I believe her anger is boiling wonderously. She is an old maid to these games of the heart, but I know she will come up with something more entertaining than her last bout- oh yes, the poor demented soul does sit like lava, ready to erupt any moment now.  
  
~*~  
  
Was it just my eyes, like Touga told me, or did I really see her? The teacher is bound in his room! I was locking up the dueling arena and on my way back for a shower. And I heard her, I saw her in the window. She was yelling at him and telling him she would be nobody's slave. Touga- could you really do such a thing? I know I shouldn't care, but... Oh crap, I don't know. Why, my head is trying to think of ways to free her, but I don't know what to do. Oh God, I don't know what to do...   
  
- Juri  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
There is something on her mind that she doesn't want to tell me. I know by the feel of her stiffness against my hand. There is something bothering her and I want to know, but I cannot find the words to probe gently into that mind of hers. She will tell me though... she must...  
  
- the flower junkie  
  



	13. Junoesque Jammed Junta

*no one 'cept Zilya Comarane. =^.^= okies?  
  
Junoesque Jammed Junta  
  
Oh pooh, everything is not exactly as I wished. It seems even the most well-built plan will crumble at my very feet. Hmmm, well, what I mean by all that mumbo jumbo is that Juri-sempai was arguing with the entire student council! She demanded that they explain what they were doing holding people hostage… what did she mean by 'holding people hostage'? Of course, then it hits me, there is only one person missing and Saionji has been looking sad lately. When I said I wanted to see her hurt- I didn't mean like that… It's hurting me, this horrible pang in my side that moves with my conscience. I can't explain what I mean, but I didn't want a disaster. I want help.   
  
What's with this change of heart?  
  
CyA LaTeRs!  
  
Kiryuu Nanami  
  
~*~  
  
Entry 50:  
  
They called a student coucil meeting, but I didn't go, I went and visited Zilya. She was sitting on the balcony and looked off into the distance. I slipped into the Kiryuu garden and watch her from below. She looked nice, dressed in a beautiful coral dress and her hair drawn from her face. 'Zilya,' I called out in something more than a harsh whisper. She looked down at me and waved excitedly.   
  
'I want out!' The next moment, she is hanging from the ledge. Yikes! Her hand slid from its earlier tight grip. She's slipping slowly. Mio Dios- she's about to fall… please, someone help her…  
  
'What the hell are you doing? Crazy woman!' Touga appeared from the doorway. He reached over the railing and hauled Zilya back up. He smiled sickeningly at her as he addressed me. 'Kyouichi, if you wanted to see dear Zilya, all you had to do was ask… naughty boy didn't go to the student council meeting. Come inside?'  
  
He makes me sick. I'll continue when I calm down.  
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
**Anthy's Journal**  
Counting the days  
Stripped to the final  
Hours, minutes, lone seconds-  
  
When will I see you again?  
When will I hear you again?  
When will I feel you again?  
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
Juri, Juri, Juri- how precious you are. I see the shiny look of anger spill down your cheeks as you turn from my view. Did you think that I was going to take it easy on you- when you came up here and challenged me in such a furious manner? That is so unlike you, to let yourself become over emotional in the time of battle, but you're growing soft in your ways ever since you've taken in Miki-kun under your wing.  
  
Yes, we all know about you and him.  
  
How much you cherish the naiveté of the precious blue-haired boy and the way he looks up at you with 'cheeks flushed with a rather pleasant blush', the way you still pine for Ruka, and the longing for Shiori put into words. It's all here… In your diary.  
  
- the flower junkie  
  
A\N: Reviews are greatly appreciated =^.^= 


	14. Falling Apples

  
  
*Oh, you know the deal, lol. I don't own SKU, but I do this idea and Comarane Zilya.  
  
A/N: Sorry about the long delay- my PC had coughed and died on me =^.^= Please, tell me there are still readers!   
  
Falling Apples  
  
Hai,  
  
I wonder where Juri-sempai is... I've been having these strange yearnings lately- strange memories. I don't remember ever taking her locket from her and chiding her so ruthlessly... I do not understand what's happening to me- to my face, my body. I've grown a few inches and my hair is a bit longer. Kozue tells me that I have to cut my hair. She says I'm starting to look like someone else- that traces of me are starting to disappear.  
  
There's a voice in my head that talks to me, that tells me how beautiful sempai is. I know this, I know... I-I'm not sure if I should embrace this change. I was looking into the mirror when, not too long ago, sempai runs in. I chase after her and finally catch her by the wrist and spin her around to me. Tears run soundlessly down her face and finally, she looks up at me. I've never noticed what a beautiful shade of green her eyes are. "Juri... don't cry..." She murmurs my name lightly and I kiss her chastely. Suddenly, she jerks back and stares at me.  
  
"Ruka? Miki? Who are you?!?" Who am I? I'm not so sure myself...  
  
Kaoru Miki ~*~  
  
Entry 51:  
  
So, I was lead into Touga's room and the first thing that happened was Zilya rushing to me and wrapping her arms around me. I crushed her against my body, running my fingers through her hair and kissing her face feverishly...   
  
Oh god, she has never felt so good...  
  
As my lips met hers, I heard her gasp and I looked up to see Touga grinning lecherously from behind Zilya. 'Is she that good?' I pulled her closer and he laughs, shaking his head slightly. He stepped closer and ran his fingers lightly along my own before trailing off onto Zilya's shoulders.   
  
'Get your hands off of her, Kiryuu.' He arched an eyebrow then smiled again.  
  
'You are not in a position to make demands _Kyouchi_. I called you in here for something special.'  
  
I hate man whores. I hate Kiryuu Touga. I hate Zilya's suffering and my longing.  
  
I hate myself for being too young to do anything about it...  
  
- Saionji  
  
~*~  
  
I saw the fire that came alive in her as his hands made their way down her sides, the way he responded with such sweet innocence uncharacteristic of him. They are a perfect match and as much as I am in denial of this obvious truth, I refuse to give up. I refuse to let it go until I see her cry my name out in bliss... Not until, I hear her sigh dear "I love yous" as she does with dear Kyouichi.  
  
She mewed lightly and Saionji regarded me with murder in his eyes. I pull her away and press against her back so she can feel what I what. I kiss her neck and she looks at the floor ashamedly. I wrap my arms around Zilya and wait for the familiar growl from Saionji.  
  
"Damn you!"  
  
He steps forward and Zilya cries out. I freeze, my eyes closed for the brief moment she spoke. "Don't let this all be for naught. Kyouichi, I fill my head with images of you and I, sitting on the edge of the world..! Laughing and smiling... I've never seen a smile so beautiful..." Pressing my lips against the curve of her neck, I imagine too. I imagine she were talking to me, caressing me with such flowery language, with such words.  
  
But it's not...  
  
I open my eyes to a saddened Saionji and thrust my hips into Zilya's backside. She gasps and looks at the floor again. "Come here Saionji, come here or you'll regret it." He stalks forward and glares at me. I bring his hands to her and help him trace the curves of her hips. She groans as I bring his hands to grope her softly. Zilya begans to sob as Saionji kisses her forehead and pulls away. "Don't..." I say firmly.   
  
She going to feel me whether she wants to or not. She's going to remember my name when I'm through with her. She's going to love me or no one at all.  
  
- T.K.   
  
~*~  
  
Journal of the Deprived  
  
I listened to the steady heartbeat of the victor. Cobwebs gathered around her sword as she prays to the heavens for guidance. I pray to the shadows for light.  
  
- the flower junkie 


	15. Fileted Salmon

You know the deal, I don't own SKU(( but I do love the series so terribly ;;..)). Comarane is my original character.

A/N: I was randomly looking through my old files and rediscovered my Utena fanfic I lovingly had written a while back. For those few readers still around to read the continuation and those readers who are first-timers upon venturing in, my apologies for have taking so long in updating.

Fileted Salmon

To No One in Particular,

Anthy disappears into the night. I had awakened to nothing but the warm impression upon bed, so I managed to catch a glimpse of her walking past the gates of the dorm. I replace a snoozing Chu- Chu back inside the folds of the blanket before rushing after her. Walking a bit further without being detected proved unsavory-- I hid around the corner as I heard Juri's voice cry out," Who are you?!?"

Did she say Ruka? Didn't he pass away a while back? He hasn't been in school since that whole Shiori thing... I muster up enough boldness to look in their direction. And there, as plain as day, stood Ruka. I rubbed my eyes in disbelief and realized it was only Miki but... he could have passed for Ruka, no doubt about that.

And then Anthy, running off at night? To where? Where is she going? Or better yet, who is she going to see at this hour of the night?

... what is going on?

Sincerely,

Tenjou Utena  
------

Entry 53:

"If the world's shell does not break, we will die without being born."

Tossing and turning and tossing again. There is no end to the brightness in the eyes of those that depend and rely on you on a much deeper and meaningful level that no one else can understand. There is no one who can touch us if we do not let them. I remembered these words Zilya whispered in an even tone as that red-headed man whore went to the bathroom. Damn it... I feel so powerless against it all! But she trusts me. She trusts and believes in my strength.

_If we do not let them._

In those words, I began to understand a whole lot more than I have these past couple of weeks.

- Saionji  
------

Dear Journal,

Aiko and Yuuko supremely advised against it but yet, here I am, hiding in the bushes of the Kiryuu garden. I know from memory that Nanami's room is to the third right and Touga's lies at the end of the hall. What am I doing here? I happen to know she has something under her sleeve; how else could one explain why Comarane has been missing for about a week now? What would Nanami be hiding? Well, that's what I'm here for. I don't know what I'm looking for, but I'll know it when I see it.

The lights are off in the living room, but I can see the numbing glare of candle light down the hallway and the faint sounds of laughter. Voices, I lean against the wall and concentrate on putting names to the familiar voices.

"You're silly for thinking you could accomplish such a deed."

"Give it time and keep your mind open to new experiences."

"This isn't a simple conquest. You're talking about-"

I felt chills down my neck as the door at the far end of the hallway opened, light spilling into the darkness. I retreated quickly back into the closet, not having enough time to shut the door completely.

Crap, crap, crap, crap... they're going to find me...

Footsteps grow louder and each seems to echo harder and harder within my chest and ears. I shut my eyes and hope with my all I am not discovered. Silence. I look ahead and notice a slender brown arm within the small gap between door and frame...

There's only one person I know with that skin tone.

Aishiteru Kiryuu Touga,  
Keiko.  
------

Journal of the Deprived

Fallen from the skies again,  
I lost my dear and only friend.  
Taking the time to find the name,  
You'll never want it the same.

And there, from the steady rise and fall of her chest, she fell asleep. A wonderfully off-colored version of Alice in Wonderland, I perched at the end of the bed, hoping she'd wake to see me. Hoping she'd wake to see my surprise for her, draped in crimson velvet.

- the flower junkie


	16. Crazy Fries

A/N: Another long period between updating ;_;. Gomen nasai. Anyways, SKU doesn't belong to me, only Zilya Comarane.

Crazy Fries

~Kozue~

I feel like weeping and laughing all at once. My brother is so promiscuous as of late. I watched in silence as he embraced a seemingly unwilling Juri. I have also noted seeing that tag-a-long plaything Shiori following Micky and her around. To what purpose, I wonder? It is clear Micky has eyes only for Juri.

What to do, what to do..

Instead of my usual blind hatred, I see worry encompassing my heart. It is interesting because I never imagined the tables to have turned in such a way. But then again, he seems to be a different kind of _man_ these days.

When did he become a man? And what brought about this change? I am uneasy. Doesn't Micky know he is perfect just the way he is?

~*~

**Anthy's Journal**

_I can feel the heart sigh,_

_A trembling, wary feeling._

_And in each movement,_

_I can feel your heart cry.._

Utena-sama wanders around with a determined look on her face. "Can you feel it, Himemiya?" She stands in the middle of the greenhouse, silent and still, as I tend to the roses.

"Feel what, Utena-sama?"

"It feels like a storm is approaching. You know how the air will smell different before it rains?" And with that thought, she wanders out of the greenhouse, as silently as she had stalked in. I don't know what the use is to worry about this.

Eventually, all will follow their destiny to the Ends of the World.

~*~

Does it really matter why I do what I do? Do I have to explain everything, lay out each individual detail for all to see?

Mmm... I love the way water beads off your skin when you shower. I've been a good boy since our meeting with Saionji. Each day, I feel the frustration build. I'm not used to being confined to such a role, having to work for what I want. While girls have thrown themselves at my feet, Zilya only shuns me with barely any effort.

Playing this tired role of doting lover makes me grow weary, but how else should I plan on stealing you from your dear _Kyouichi_? A real man does the job right, thorough. And you bet your pretty little head I will soak up every inch of your desire and leave your husk for him to claim.

Why is it you love him? What is it he can do for you that I cannot? I can assure you I can do just that and a million times better than him.

I want to scream at you and make you listen. You are seriously jocking my style..

Watching the nervous way you eye me and stand defiant makes me want to hurt you in ways unimaginable. I gaze calmly at you though my heart is beating strong in my chest. I feel like I'm on fire.

I want to break you, piece by piece, and wear you down. Because if I can't have you, I swear I will ruin you.

- T.K.

~*~

Hai,

Sempai looks sad. In turn, I am also affected. How I long to openly stroke the velvet of her skin. When we are together, everything feels right. Though, this forlorn look has ways of making me waver on some distant, clouded thought.

She called me Ruka not too long ago. It bewildered me and made me elated all at once.

Why?

Why should I feel happy she called me by another's name? A familiar voice whispers that it might possibly be the one and only chance to show sempai how much I truly care.

Kaoru Miki

~*~

Journal of the Deprived

I will visit with her tonight. Hopefully, she is muddled enough to not sense my truest aspirations for this get-together. There will be a duel soon and I smile at the thought of being that much closer to destiny, to _power_. If I am not careful enough, everything constructed thus far will fall around me at one misplaced breath.

One can only hope. One can only dream.

- the flower junkie


End file.
